Exactly one year ago this week my whole world flipped upside down when I received a breast cancer diagnosis and shit in my pants. I certainly didn’t see it coming and definitely couldn’t see what life would look like a year later, but here I am. It’s emotional, and until this experience I have never been an overly emotional person. Sensitive – absolutely, but far more stoic than ever emotional. Are you kidding? I’m English! This whole not stifling tears thing is very new to me.
I am not emotional at self pity, resentment, anger or regret. As I reflect on this year I am overwhelmed with how much grace I have experienced and to be quite honest, this has been the best year of my life. Difficult AF and Melly sure threw a wrench into things but I have been able to see that as a gift as well and am certain this year has definitely been my best.
Grace has come to me in the form of neighbors, colleagues and girls from the dog park who have become dear friends. It literally poured into my life with the support of my niece and existing friends that I chose as my family. It lives by my side every day in the heart of my beautiful dog. It almost magically appeared in the form of doctors and surgeons who put me at ease within moments of meeting them. Doctors that hug me when they see me, and call me before appointments or procedures that they’re not even doing to offer encouragement. Literally every significant appointment and both surgeries this year were handed to me faster than I could process them. I was able to take all the time off work that I needed and still have pay and benefits. Grace has been provided in the form of fitness instructors that helped facilitate repeated opportunities for me to believe in how strong I am in a gym that gave me the flexibility I needed while going through radiation. Grace has come to me as insight, experience, people, and in so many forms of love.
Each time I experienced something difficult through all of this it was met with a learning opportunity, growth, love and grace. Every. Single. Time. And you know what? I think it does for all of us if we choose to see it. Sometimes we can’t see it right away and that’s okay. The darkness is always part of the process and it’s an integral part of our growth.
I know sometimes life can be really hard and people can suck, and maybe sometimes I’m even one of those people (just kidding; I’m awesome 😂). But the world is not a horrible place and if we just look for it, every one of us has been visited by the amazing energy of grace and acknowledging the gift of this incredible force gets me right in the feels.